How To Quit Amazon If That's Something You're Interested In Doing

First of all, you can't

HEAR ME OUT: boycotts are hit or miss, and recently seem super fucking performative. I remember so many “I am DELETING Uber” and “I am QUITTING Equinox” during Trump 1.0 and not only are both of those companies still standing, I’m pretty sure plenty of liberals are still customers. I mean, vote with your wallet and all that, but as long as you’re still participating in the convenience economy and shopping a lot…well, no ethical consumption under capitalism!

That said, I deleted my Amazon account (not my prime account, my whole Amazon account) in 2019 and recently mentioned this fact to a friend who was so darn impressed I began to think wait, am I an AMAZING PERSON?

No! But just as I can teach you how to organize your inbox, I can give you the quick and dirty cheat codes to cutting the Amazon cord because honestly, did Katy Perry need to go to space?

Here’s how I cope…

Shop at Target

Yeah, I just buy stuff from Target. My issue with Amazon is not that I’m against online shopping or big box stores, per se, but that I don’t like the idea that one company controls everything, and Amazon really does control everything. If you’ve ever noticed a website routing through “aws,” that’s Amazon Web Service; the company has so much digital real estate it’s crazy. IMDb, that’s them! They own MGM. So yes, it’s basically revolutionary that I order toilet paper and floss from Target, a store that only sells stuff.

Bonus: they have physical locations!

Also, Wal-Mart

The thing about Amazon is that, unlike Target, it’s a retailer with wide variety of brands and sources, and while you’re looking for stuff online, there’s a good chance that the exact thing you want won’t be available at Target. But it’ll probably be available through Wal-Mart! they also do same-day grocery deliveries and all that other stuff you use Amazon for.

Again, this is not switching from Amazon to locally-sourced in-season produce and independent mom and pop shops. If you can make that work, great. But let’s be realistic. You wanna quit Amazon without sacrificing literally anything, and I’m here to support that journey.

Buy slightly less stuff

Amazon is downright crafty with how easy they make it to buy things that so, so seem like must-haves at the time. It’s a frictionless experience to, with a simple click, get your uncle a highly rated water pik or send yourself cheap multivitamins. Not to mention, pre-ordering your friend’s book will boost its ranking in the site’s algorithm, which tells the publisher to push it harder, and while your friend is totally vocal about supporting brick and mortar bookstores…they want you to pre-order on Amazon. I’m so sorry but it’s the truth.

Welp. Welcome to life where it’s marginally harder to get a water pik, where multivitamins aren’t cheap, where you gotta get your books on ThriftBooks (NOT Abe Books, which is…owned by Amazon). You may discover…you don’t actually…need all that shit. If you’re filling your recycling with cardboard more than twice a week, look at your life, look at your choices.

Borrow someone’s log in

Like I said, the down and dirty tips. This is just for streaming stuff. Wanna watch the shows and moves that are on Amazon? Borrow someone’s log in and go for it. Life’s already hard! I use my mom’s.

When it comes to rentals, head on over to Vudu AKA Fandango At Home, which rents the same movies as Amazon for the same price.

Need more help? Submit your shopping woes via my gift guide form.

Jeff Bezos is weird,

Lizzie