watch list for the covid afflicted

well, I got it

Four and a half years ago, the CDC identified the first American case of the novel coronavirus and resulting illness, COVID.

A week ago, I got it.

Yes, I avoided it for that long, and then I got it. It wasn’t at all bad, probably thanks to my vaccinations and Paxlovid, so yay science. Another silver lining is that, unable to leave my apartment, I was free to watch even more television than usual. And my usual is a lot.

Here are the series and movies I finished for the first time while I had the ‘vid or just before I had the ‘vid.

American Manhunt: The Boston Bombing Marathon (Netflix)

I thought this was so interesting. I love logistics. And even though this is an event I lived through and watched unfold as it happened, there was a lot I didn’t know. Like did you know the Tsarnev brothers KIDNAPPED A GUY? They carjacked him and took him as a hostage, and then he escaped and called the cops. He’s honestly the best part of the doc. Also, with the aforementioned stolen vehicle, the younger brother RAN OVER HIS BIG BROTHER!!!! I didn’t know that.

It got me thinking about the good the bad and the ugly of law enforcement. I think we often slot cops (or FBI agents, whathaveyou) into “doing it right” or “doing it wrong,” but it’s more complicated than that. From what I can tell in this case, it’s not that there was stuff they were supposed to do but didn’t (although Miranda rights under the Patriot Act are…murky), it’s that there was a bunch of stuff they didn’t need to do, but did. Every cop, firefighter, meter maid and vigilante in the greater Boston area decided to volunteer for the manhunt and it was a case of way too many cooks in the kitchen and no clear sense of who was in charge that led to shoot-outs that could have killed civilians.

Mostly though I got all choked up when they showed a clip of the speech Obama gave following the bombing, not just because it’s a good speech but because he makes so much sense. A president who makes sense! Multiple sentences, whole paragraphs without a digression, we used to have it so GOOD!!!!!

Rating: Watch it so we can talk about it!

Night Stalker: The Hunt For A Serial Killer (Netflix)

I watched this after I saw Maxxxine, and it made for an interesting compare/contrast to the Boston doc. Both involve a highly publicized citywide manhunt, multiple law enforcement agencies and jurisdictions jostling for turf, and leaks to the media. Once again, the detectives to a pretty solid job thoroughly collecting all of the physical evidence and witness statements, and it doesn’t seem like there was much collateral damage in the form of innocent bystanders getting shot or innocent men being wrongly arrested.

But it did occur to me just how often the “big break in the case” is…someone who knows the perp just calling the cops. Like yeah, the cops are putting evidence and leads together, good job, but we found the Boston bombers because they identified themselves to their hostage, and then he escaped and told cops exactly where they were. And for the Night Stalker, eventually enough details went public that someone who knew him called the tip line to be like, “it’s this guy, he’s talked about it,” and then they put his picture in the paper and a bunch of citizens saw the picture and saw him and were like “hey…dude…stay there while I get the cops.” You know how they caught the Unabomber? His sister in law read his manifesto and said to her husband, “um, this sounds like your brother who lives in the woods and hates the government,” and he went, “yeah…sounds like Ted.” And it was. To use a less gruesome example, cops caught The Bling Ring after they put the footage on TMZ and a bunch of the criminals’ friends called in to be like, “so, they brag about it at parties, go on Facebook to see them literally posing with the stolen merch.” Which probably helped the investigation.

Anyway, I’m not saying investigators don’t have a hard and important job. I’m saying, if you’re going to be a criminal…don’t have friends.

Rating: Watch Maxxxine, it’s not that scary.

Waco: American Apocalypse (Netflix)

Clearly, three-part Netflix crime docs about high profile news events are in my sweet spot, but this one was especially educational because…okay…prior to this, I didn’t totally fully know what people meant when they said “the Waco siege.” David Koresh, kids, guns, big clusterfuck, I knew the general shape of the thing, but I didn’t realize how long the stand-off was or the fact that dozens of people burned alive????? Still wrapping my head around that, TBH.

Another case of “too many cooks,” it seems like the ATF, FBI and, within the FBI, the HRT were all working slightly at cross-purposes. At one point, the lead negotiator is making good progress (or at least, good progress in that he was getting kids out alive, which I consider good progress), and they just…took him off the case? Because it was taking too long? And the Branch Davidians were like well, we don’t wanna negotiate with anyone else. And the only explanation for why they couldn’t let the first guy go back to being the negotiator was that it was all getting embarrassing and expensive? But then some of the talking heads are like “Janet Reno thought there was sex abuse happening, but she didn’t watch the video the cult leader made where he said there was no sex abuse, actually,” and I’m like, okay I think I’m with Janet on this one, actually.

The most bizarre part is that the handful of former cult members they interviewed seem to have processed the events…basically not at all. One survivor appears to still be a believer, though she doesn’t come out and say it. Another completely blames the government for what happened, which is fair but also…you gotta at least QUESTION the motives of the guy stockpiling firearms and marrying himself to every woman in sight, right? There’s a female survivor who was a child at the time and her whole family died, basically, and I’m not saying she should get over it but thirty years later she has zero perspective on the events and just seems confused. I want to take them all to therapy.

Rating: Well crap, now do I have to watch the doc about Timothy McVeigh?

Perfect Wife: The Mysterious Disappearance of Sherri Papini (Hulu, Disney+)

Another case that will make you go, “damn, detectives know what they’re doing…wait, maybe they don’t?” True crime candy you can feel ethical about watching because the only real victim is this woman’s family, and they’re the perspective you get in the doc, and also, presumably, got paid for it.

Rating: You didn’t think Pinterest would be part of the evidence folder, did you?

Clipped (Hulu, Disney+)

Yo, what? This is a story I did not follow closely as it was happening. I’m not entirely sure the show was good, like, dramatically (do I need more than one scene of NBA players debating race relations in vague ways? Prob not) but the acting was excellent, especially Cleopatra Coleman as a character who can only be described as what a fucking weirdo.

Rating: Fascinating like a car crash, but lacking point of view.

My Lady Jane Season 1 (Amazon Prime)

It’s the story of Jane Grey, who ruled England for nine days during the Tudor period, except instead of the Catholics versus Protestants in the war for the crown, it’s Regular Humans versus People Who Can Turn Into Animals. It’s not as random as it sounds, but it’s still pretty random. If you ever wished Wicked were based on a YA novel and about princesses instead of witches, here you go.

Rating: It’s not nearly as clever and raunchy as it thinks it is, but ignore that and it’s fun.

Coyote Ugly (Hulu, Disney+)

I thought this was the only entry on this list not based in part on a true story. I was wrong! In fact, this movie is adapted from a GQ article written by Elizabeth Gilbert about her time working as a dancing barmaid in NYC. If that names sounds familiar to you it’s because SHE’S THE EAT PRAY LOVE LADY. Nowhere on any of her social media does she bill herself as the inspiration for Coyote Ugly, and if that were me, it’s all I would talk about.

Also, Burlesque kinda ripped it off?

Rating: This movie is dumb and I loved it. Bridget Moynahan, slap me mommy.

May you all test negative,

Lizzie

PS— If you haven’t watched the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders doc on Netflix, what the hell are you waiting for? I’m deep in a DCC hole. They do “Thunderstruck” at their weddings.