ugh! fine! a gift guide!
i suppose it was inevitable
I have many thoughts about gift guides. My first is that I love looking through them and discovering new items. Second is that they are sort of the gift equivalent of a Vogue editorial shoot: you could look/shop like that…but only one out of every seven or so pieces would ever make sense for real life.
Often, they’re full of stuff that’s either cheesy (an ornament shaped like an emoji no one wants), too expensive (cashmere sweaters for $650 as if The Gap isn’t perfectly acceptable) or painfully obvious (the nature lover in your life wants a pair of hiking boots, no kidding). They’re also typically quite biased thanks to commission links.
With all that said, I have a literal spreadsheet with different categories for things I might want to buy for myself and others and whenever I get an idea for a good gift I add it to the spreadsheet so when someone’s birthday is coming up, all I gotta do is go to the spreadsheet. And since it is December…here ya go!
(None of these links will earn me commission because I’m too lazy to set that up)
Genius Gift Guide 2024
For Someone Who Has Written A Book
Quite a few of you subscribers (HINT HINT HINT) have spouses who have written published books. If that’s you, get them a beautiful custom hardcover of their book. I assume this would be fun to receive. I have not written a book.
For Someone Who Really Likes Books
For Someone Who Actually Reads Books
Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
The Nix by Nathan Hill
Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
Bright Young Women by Jessica Knoll
The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins
For Fancy Taste On A Fauxncy Budget
Painted candles. Looks how pretty these are!
These are nice, too.
For People Who Like Cats
A cat. Get a cat. What the fuck are you waiting for? Life’s short, get a cat.
For People Who Already Have A Cat
For the love of god, no “cat stuff,” no mugs with cats on them or potholders with cats on them or whatever. But here’s a cat book that’s not annoying.
For Anyone With A Good Sense Of Humor
Samantha Irby is the funniest writer out there, myself included.
For Your Co-Worker At An In-Person Office
The Far Side page-a-day calendar. A classic for a reason.
A Stocking Stuffer Anyone Would Like
A Gift That Costs Nothing
This video. Send it to someone, anyone, everyone. It’s worth it.
For A Female Feminist
For A Male Feminist
Abortion fund. Yougotaproblemwiththat?
For An In-Law
Art For Someone With Basic Taste (Highbrow)
Art For Someone With Basic Taste (Lowbrow)
For The Girl Who Just Saw Wicked And Wants To Be A Witch Now
For Your Lover
For If You Absolutely Must Give Clothes
Clothing is not a good gift, generally, but I can’t imagine someone saying no to emerald cords. Or a snail sweater.
For Yourself, If You’re Traveling
Wearing a fanny pack across your body to hold the things you need to be easily accessible in the airport (boarding pass, phone, passport) while leaving your hands free to carry some larger carry-ons? Brilliant! I thought I invented this but I probably didn’t. Here’s the one I have.
For Movie Fans
For Writers
Promise not to use AI and put us all out of work! Also, backpacks
For Men
For Aunts
For Hipsters
Anything from Apartamento
For Foodies
Personalized bottle of olive oil.
For Kids
If they understand the concept of money, a five dollar bill. Kids LOVE cash. If they are too young to know what money is, you don’t need to get them a gift. I said what I said.
For Anyone
Am I crazy or is this vase really cool?
For The Freak Who “Doesn’t Want Anything”
Merry happy,
Lizzie