Other Voices, Other Geniuses: Ian Karmel

jus' bein' ian

I know Ian from he married my friend (and now also he is my friend). You know Ian from he has a podcast and does stand-up and wrote for The Late Late Show for many years. We can BOTH get to know Ian even better by reading his book T-Shirt Swim Club, which he wrote with his sister.

Ian is father to my niece and nephew (they are cats), a grill master, and the type of guy who will help his wife’s friend move a heavy TV she got for free from Facebook Marketplace or lift her heavy AC units into her windows because she lives alone and lacks upper body strength, and I know because I am that childless cat lady, and Ian did those things for me! Read on for more.

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Other Voices, Other Geniuses: Ian Karmel

What song are you especially into currently?

Full-blown honesty here, it’s “The Cisco Kid” by War, which is a song from 1972. I know I’m supposed to be having a Brat Summer. I’m not. I’m having a “Pancho Drank the Wine” summer. This song chugs along like a sunset booze cruise. It’s really a glorious feeling. You know when you go day drinking and the sun is draping you in gold and you’re sitting next to a dogpile of squeezed lime quarters and you stand up and think “Whew, I’m drunker than I thought”? That's how this song feels.

What is your greatest pet peeve?

People who cut over into a lane at the last minute, circumventing the traffic that everyone else waited in.

Death penalty. 

What is the trait within yourself about which you feel the most ambivalent?

My lack of ambition. On the one hand, I think that maybe I should want more than I have. On the other hand, I really love my life, and I bet I’d have to work harder to be more successful and that would suck. 

How do you like to waste time?

Lately, Stardew Valley on the Nintendo Switch. Videogames in general, though.

I meditate. I think mindfulness is important. I think mindlessness is even more important. 

What book is currently living by your toilet/bed and how are you liking it?

I just started this book Cold Clay which is the second book in the Shady Hollow series. It’s a mystery novel set in a small town where all the characters are anthropomorphic animals. There’s a moose who works at a coffee shop. The news reporter is a fox. It’s like… Gilmore Girls-core without the snappy Sherman-Paladino writing. The writing in the book is honestly… incredibly basic. The mystery is, too. It’s not a GOOD book. I love it. I will read every book in the series. 

Whom do you consider to be the most overrated dead person?

Jim Morrison. The most towering example of a hot person being called a genius just because they’re hot - and I like The Doors just fine - but the dude isn’t some poetic genius. Five to one, one to five, nobody here gets out alive? That’s the lyric? That would be the worst lyric in a Violent Femmes song and he’s a genius? No, he’s hot and dead and you miss being 22 years old. Stop it. 

Please put a selfie here:

Which was your favorite Spice Girl growing up?

Posh.

What is your favorite outfit worn by any character in The Devil Wears Prada?

Stanley Tucci’s big ring. 

When have you been or felt the most FAMOUS in your life?

I was on a first date in Portland once, after I had moved to Los Angeles, and the chef sent out a dish from the kitchen and said they were a big fan. It was awesome. 

How many tattoos do you have, and where on your body are they? If none, what would you get if you had to?

None and “Please let me be buried in this cemetery, I had to get this tattoo for my friend Lizzie’s newsletter” on the small of my back. 

What is your most irrational fear or anxiety?

That I’m calling someone the wrong name. It’s crippling. 

What is the coolest object in your apartment/house/domicile?

I worked with Mel Brooks and I have a picture of the two of us in my garage. That’s gotta be it. The Pope of the Jews. 

Who or what is your most problematic fave?

I might be the problematic one because I have zero problem separating the art from the artist. Mel Gibson could turn to the camera every ten minutes and call me a filthy Jew and I’d still watch Braveheart once a year. 

What is the name of your most active group chat and what do you typically message about?

“My Other Favorite Sport” and basketball. 

Please recommend a product. Any product.

Rishi Dandelion Ginger sparkling botanical tea. 

Who or what gives you the ick?

Ankle socks. 

If you have a pet, put a picture here. If you don’t, a picture of your medicine cabinet. If you have more than one pet, pick the cutest:

Which Sex and the City character do you most identify with?

Carrie. 

Do you have a weird/useless/random skill? For instance, I make great friendship bracelets.

I’m really strong. It is almost never useful anymore. 

Do you want a friendship bracelet?

My wife just paid someone to declutter our house, so no. 

What is a trend you hope comes back?

Rap songs made specifically for movies. 

How did you meet the person to whom you lost your virginity?

High school. 

What is a conspiracy theory you actually think is true?

I think we had a fake moon landing filmed as a back-up in case something happened to the footage but we never used it because the actual landing footage worked. 

Thoughts on God?

I think that human beings crawl across earth like sugar ants crawl across a keyboard. We don’t understand enough to understand what we don’t understand. 

How is a raven like a writing desk?

Both prominently featured in the work of Louis Carrol. Is it Lewis Carroll? Lou Diamond Phillips.