*more* stuff guys like
just based on my observations
A month ago I wrote about things that, per my own observations, boys seem to like. Since then I have continued to notice more and more stuff guys like! I find it an interesting anthropological study.
One of my favorite lines from New Girl is Nick telling Jess that he wants her to have more purses with gems because that’s what he finds sexy, because that’s what all men find sexy: “We want to be playing a saxophone in an alley and have you walk by in a mini skirt with a purse with gems! But you girls don't listen!" I think it’s when I heard this line that I decided I would be the girl who listens. I’m keeping my ears open, Nicks of the world. I wanna know what you like…
So in that spirit, here’s some more stuff that, just from my own anecdotal observations, guys seem to like…
The game of Chess
Now, I feel a little conflicted putting this here, because it’s one of those things that men are gatekeeping from women pretty effectively. From video games to poker, it seems any sort of strategy-based game play is the purview of dudes, and sexism in the chess world is rampant, so I hesitate to cede this territory by being like, “oh, chess, that’s so boy-coded.”
But like…you only see older men playing chess in the park, only dudes are randomly getting into online chess to “relax before bed,” and only a man would design a game where the Queen does all the work but the King is the whole point.
The frogs in the movie Magnolia
Lots of people enjoy and appreciate Paul Thomas Anderson’s Magnolia but boys in particular want to tell you how they felt and what they thought the first time they saw Magnolia and what they understand about the frogs. They love the frogs!
Robert Downey, jr.
The fact that he pulled his life together in such a shit show to top of the world fashion is truly admirable and I can understand why men see him as an aspirational/inspirational figure, though when it tips into relatable/role model, I have questions. Well, just one question, really:
What, exactly, do you guys think you have in common with RDJ?
The coffee shop scene in the movie Heat
Is Heat 2 actually gonna happen?
More importantly, am I the only person who remembers that NATALIE PORTMAN IS IN HEAT?
Men love this scene in Heat so much.
So. Much.
Movie posters
Men believe vintage movie posters to be acceptable home decor (please use sparingly!!!!!), and also enjoy collecting them for collection’s sake.
A movie poster is a piece of art that is also an advertisement for a product that is itself a piece of art, so you don’t have to engage at all with the visual art, the poster, or understand its meaning, or think critically about it, because you have already understood and experienced the thing it is selling you, the movie, and digested it. A painting might make invite critique or questions or reactions, but a movie poster is only ever a representation of the movie, and a touchstone for your relationship with the movie, and a way to own a physical representation of the movie and decorate your space with the movie.
This isn’t good or bad, but it’s maybe a little bit lazy. The easy ouroboros of representation and meaning nestles itself snugly in the male mind.
Pretending they don’t know what stuff is
As eager as they are to explain the differences between, say, the major and minor leagues of baseball, men find themselves loudly confused when you mention that cleanser isn’t moisturizer. And then they say “why would I know that? What’s the difference?” and you say “do you understand the verb To Cleanse? How about To Moisturize?” and they say “yes” and then you say “okay, extrapolate” and then they can more or less get it and you wonder, like, how they got through college or even just life with a brain like that. Like I understand not knowing the difference between concealer and foundation (in fact, I believe them to be the same thing), but if you’re unsure whether to buy the perfume or the body mist, idk, Google it? Ask her? These are simple words, life is not a trick question.
Liking the third best looking woman on Earth
I’m not even saying this to be snarky because I don’t think the men who fall into this pattern are being dismissive of the lingerie model types of the world, but it’s a funny thing I’ve noticed in intellectual types who get crushes on “alt” hotties as if they’re the first to discover that a supremely conventionally attractive woman is…gorgeous. These are the men who, when you ask them who their celeb crush is, pause to really think, as if no one immediately springs to mind. Oh please.
So you volunteer the obvious names. Sydney Sweeney? Margot Robbie? Zendaya?
And they shake their heads. No, no, no one like that. He’s into a more low-key girl-next-door type. You know, Kristen Bell. Or someone funny like Gillian Jacobs. Or cool like Danielle Haim. Or quirky like Zooey Deschanel. Heck! They say. I’d even be into someone full-figured like Christina Hendricks!
It’s not that these guys want applause, per se, for these choices. They’re just being honest. And they don’t need it pointed out to them that they’ve just named some of the most beautiful women ever born. But they genuinely believe that these crushes make them somehow different from the guys who would have responded “Megan Fox.” Such a cute delusion.
Keep going, fellas
Lizzie