Is this commercial worse than *that* Gillette ad?

Jeeeeeeeesus H. Capitalism

At the turn of the last century, Western women weren’t overly concerned with body hair.

But as fashions changed to show more skin, razor manufacturers took out ads to convince us leg and armpit hair were unsightly so they could sell us tools to take it off, and we did.

A brief history of leg shaving, here.

Fast forward a few decades, and pornstars began taking off their public hair so the camera could get a better look at the goods. The rest of the population followed suit.

Men were not immune to changing trends. “Manscaping” became a thing. The rise of the “metrosexual” made it not just acceptable but sophisticated to think about grooming.

Then, somehow, this happened:

Gillette has tried to memory hole its MeToo response, but I still think about it! It was, at best, bizarrely tone deaf. At worst, it demonstrated that even after we explain it to them over and over again, men still don’t seem to understand what rape is. Because if they did, they’d understand it has nothing to do with shaving your beard.

The Gillette Ad From Hell was the loudest and worst example of advertisers failing to meet the moment, but it was hardly the only one. There were plenty of cringey, infantilizing ads aimed at women about loving yourself enough to buy a hiking jacket or whatever. And honestly, some of the fempowerment bullshit kinda works for me. The Nike ad from the Super Bowl? I like it!

But this isn’t about that. This is about Dove.

Dove is famous for its “Real Beauty” campaigns. It had its own Super Bowl moment about a little girl’s relationship with her legs…

But probably its most famous ad ever is the one about retouching…

Everyone knows these campaigns are, let’s say, superficial. Dove is owned by Unilever, which until a few years ago openly sold skin-lightening cream in other parts of the world. And I wanna be super clear here: Brand Bad is a stupid argument. Commercial Unhelpful is also…not anything. Razor companies capitalize on any insecurity they can find? No shit. They’re businesses! That’s what businesses do! From the bottom of my heart, I don’t care. I am unmoved by the shampoo that promises me I’m great as I am and unbothered by the lipstick that calls me ugly. It’s all just noise.

…except I really fucking hate the Dove Whole Body Deo ad.

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways…

Let’s start with the absolute gall of rewriting Khia’s “My Neck, My Back.” This song, released a full decade before “WAP,” is a woman showing others how to pop their pussies, then commanding a man to lick her neck, her back, her pussy and her crack. And on it goes. It’s a bop.

I’m not saying this song has any political meaning — sometimes a crack is just a crack! — but it’s one of the few that unapologetically celebrates a woman’s holes and not just her shapely hips or other euphemisms. And Dove changed it to the not just sanitized but downright boring “My neck, my back, my legs and pits all that.” Sacrilege.

Blessedly, I am not alone in thinking this is a bizarre and stupid move. There are multiple Reddit threads dedicated to mocking the commercial. But I’m equally pissed about the product.

When you advertise razors, or shampoo, or makeup, yeah, maybe you overpromise. Looking good does not actually cure social anxiety. But on some level, you are demonstrating something that works. Lip gloss does make your smile shinier. Shaving your pits does make them hairless. But “whole body deo[dorant]” promises to solve the problem of bad-smelling legs and necks, and that is simply…not a thing!

There are a few types of glands that sweat, and only one of them makes sweat that smells bad. AND YOU DON’T REALLY HAVE THEM ON YOUR BACK. YOUR LEGS DO NOT SMELL. Advertising has gone past telling women to be insecure about normal body functions all the way to MAKING UP BODY NONEXISTENT FUNCTIONS TO BE INSECURE ABOUT.

Dove isn’t the only brand that saw the skincare craze and realized we have skin in places besides our face; you can find “whole body deodorant” from a number of companies. But only Dove is using Khia’s celebration of getting nasty to tell women that we’re gross in places literally nothing gross is happening.

And that’s what you missed on “Lizzie’s Pissed Off”

Lizzie

PS- because I am such a huge fan of equality, a PSA for my dude readers: hair loss sucks but those pills are killing your boners